I just re-read my post from over a month ago. Yes, it’s taken me this long to write again. My period arrival date came and there was no period. At this point I was almost positive I was pregnant, but still driving myself crazy with super hero awareness of my symptoms. That day seemed like forever. What if I was pregnant, what if we are about to begin this journey now, I felt so excited, nervous and scared. The next day came (one day after my period) and the pregnancy test still said those hurtful words “not pregnant.” I was so confused. How could it still be negative? But then, It happened…horrible cramping, and I knew. My period was coming. I had a very hard time. All the symptoms I was feeling until this day were just “period” symptoms or maybe I was making myself feel a certain way…who knows? All I know is that it was disappointing. I cancelled all my plans for the day. Went to the grocery to stock up on goodies and went home to sulk. I know, so grown up of me.But sometimes you just gotta be mad for a while. After giving my time to process and let it really set in, I was able to refocus. If I truly trust God’s timing and I DO then why am I so upset. It’s just simply not the time. God is not going to let anything happen that is not His timing. So, I put on my big girl panties and trust. Such a little word, but a huge meaning. I have to re-evaluate my trust level on a daily basis. I feel like as soon as I give things to God, I want to take it away in the next breath. Like the great theologian LL Cool Jay said, “You can’t trust and worry at the same time, you have to do one or the other.” So, I choose trust…over and over again!
And the journey continues…it’s now July 31st, 16 days until my next period. This go around I’ve taken no pregnancy tests and I’m trying to be less aware of every single thing I’m feeling. We continue our journey and we trust. I will not take a pregnancy test until I miss my period. Last time I drove myself crazy taking those things and then getting disappointed over and over again. It’s like an expensive roller coaster. So, you live and learn, right? This time I trust more than the last. Because each day we need to learn from the last.
I’m excited about our journey and what God has in His plan for us. He has already blessed us way beyond we deserve. I pray that little LaSuer comes into this world at his perfect timing.