The “Put Together Mom”…That’s Not Me

You know those women you see who just look “put together” all the time?! Me too, and it makes me kind of sick.

Her: 

Let me explain…she has every hair in place, her outfit matches and is so flattering, her eye liner isn’t running and she never does anything embarrassing (like trip while going up the stairs). This “put together” person has NEVER been me.

I mean I can kind of understand attaining these attributes of perfection before you have a little human(even though I didn’t). But, the “put together mom”… now, that is an absolute mind blower!

How does she do it? Somehow amongst all the diaper changes, battle field of toys, spilled milk and runny noses she miraculously manages to look “put together.”

I see this unicorn of a mom all the time, so I know it’s possible. I secretly want to be more like her. Once again her hair is fixed super stylish and it stays that way throughout the day, her outfit is somehow clean and free of baby fluids, her make-up is completely done to perfection and her child is dressed so adorably(and clean).

To top it all of she is also incredibly graceful in the way she carries herself and makes everything look so easy. Somehow she can carry all the things that go along with having a child and still look like she stepped out of a magazine.

Neither of these women (before or after kids) have ever been me!

Me: 

The only difference is that I have ONE child but still look like this! 

I mean I’ve tried. I always have good intentions. I pick out the cute outfit, do my make up, fix my hair but it never fails. By the time I arrive at my destination my outfit is wrinkled and most likely stained with some sort of beverage, my eye liner is already running and I’ve hit my head on something so my hair looks disheveled. See what I mean? Not “put together.” And that was before I had my sweet son.

Since becoming a mom the untogtherness(I know it’s not a word) of myself has hit a whole new level. I feel like my outfits are rarely cute, my make-up is half done (if at all), my hair is usually up(and messy), forget the beverage stains because I know just have random snacks stuck to my rear and I’m always doing something ungraceful. Like trying to hold my son while picking up toys and holding his milk and my coffee and I always drop something (thankfully, rarely my son).

Why It led me to self acceptance (most days)

I am fully aware that all of these thoughts and feelings stem from self-doubt and comparison. It’s so easy to look around and feel like everyone is doing “it” better than you (“it” being life).

I would love to tell you that this is something I used to struggle with and here is how I overcame it. But, the reality is that comparison is sneaky and can start whispering lies to your head and heart before you know it. Thoughts like, you’re not good enough, why can’t you be more like her, I bet she’s a better mom than you, she cooks better than you…the list literally goes on and on and on.

I think I will always struggle with comparison and self-doubt because I’m human and there are so much pretty “looking” people out there in real life and on social media. But, I have learned a few things(that I have to remind myself):

• I don’t know what’s going on behind closed doors. Just because someone looks perfect or “put together” doesn’t mean they feel that way. Everyone and I mean everyone has their own stuff they’re dealing with. No matter what they look like.
• I am who I am for a reason(and that goes for you too). When I taught Elementary school I would always tell my students, “we are all different and that is a beautiful thing. If we were all the same life would be so boring.” I often have to take my own advice. Like the great theologian Dr. Suess said, “Today you are you, that is truer than true, there is no one alive, who is youer than you.”
• You do you boo, boo. Meaning if I focus/compare myself with others constantly that doesn’t leave room for me to think about what I need or want to be doing with my life. If I REALLY wanted to I bet I could be “put together” or at least my version of it, but obviously I don’t want it bad enough so I don’t do it. That’s jus not me and that’s okay because I’m doing me boo boo.

No matter how low you are feeling remember to shut those lies down! If you haven’t heard it lately…

• You are an amazing mom!

• Your hard work does not go unnoticed!

• This too shall pass!

• And damn mama, you look good!!