My Private Pregnancy Journey

**I wrote this when we first decided to try and have a baby. I did not plan to share it until later. Now later has come.I hope you enjoy and maybe relate.**

I can’t even believe I’m saying this..Aaron and I are trying to get pregnant! It feels so good just to type it since we have both decided not to tell anyone that we are trying. This is super hard for me for a few reasons. One, I’m really excited and want to share my joy with my sisters, mom, and friends. Two, because I’ve been feeling symptoms that are new to me and I want to talk about them with someone who might be able to empathize. We decided to keep it private so it alleviates pressure off of us. After doing research I’ve found out that it can take up to a year to get pregnant, so I don’t want to feel like that’s the topic of conversation every time we get together. Therefore, we wait. While I wait, I google…a lot!

I’ve been googling pregnancy symptoms, how soon you can tell, how do your boobs change. Oh and I didn’t mention all the pregnancy tests…oops. Yes, they are expensive but the waiting is brutal. I just want to know. As of now I’m two days until my period and still “not pregnant” according to the at least six tests(ok, maybe more than that) I’ve taken over course of our short journey ( so far we’ve only been trying since the beginning of June, so since my last cycle). It would be an absolute miracle if I am pregnant since I didn’t realize how hard it is to actually get pregnant.

I’m doing a lot of research and I didn’t realized that there is truly a science to getting pregnant…ultimately it is a God thing. I’m just still in awe that we are at a place to say we are READY!! It’s so fun to take a pregnancy test in hopes of getting a positive! Secretly in the past I’ve been okay if it would have been a positive, although, I’m sure I would have had a minor break down.

I don’t want to say it out-loud, so I’ll type it out-loud. I feel like I’m pregnant. I don’t want to admit it because I don’t want to be disappointed, but It’s how I feel. All the feelings I’ve been feeling are different and add up to pregnancy symptoms…sore breasts, nauseous, cramping, emotional. Oh goodness…what if I’m pregnant??? I have one more pregnancy test and I’m going to try and save it until I actually miss my period. It’s going to be very hard, but I’m going to try and wait! I can do it…right?

Then if it says yes…what then?? Dear Jesus, I just give you this pregnancy right now. I know that everything going on in my body right now is because of you and your plan. If we have a child it is because this person is needed on earth to accomplish something you have tasked only them to do. That is such and amazing truth to know. Just as I have a purpose, so does our future possible child! Thank you God for your goodness!

Until, next time. Here’s praying for God’s perfect timing and I’m not just saying that, I truly mean it. Even though I don’t understand it. I trust Him with all of me.

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